If I allowed my children to make the family decisions I would have neon green walls and ice cream for dinner every night. However, if I allow my children to engage in the decision making with my guidance we challenge our children to make proper decisions. Our job as parents requires us to guide not only the child before us but the future adult he will become. Family sets the stage for life yet through the lens of parental protection and values. Obviously, the extent to which a child has say in family decisions is dependent on age and maturity.

Family unit or teamwork are values many of us hold dear to our hearts. How do we teach such values to our children? More importantly how do we test those values? A team typically has a captain who instructs the rest of the team on which plays to use. Yet, a good team captain considers the opinions of his teammates. A parent is the team captain who makes the final decision yet does so considering the thoughts and feelings of his children. This is not a sacrifice of parental authority but an enhancement. The child feels involved in family affairs, listened to, and respected. In turn, the child will project that respect back to the parents. This will lead to a more harmonious home even when the parent makes a final call that may conflict with the opinion of the child. Kids strive harder to be heard than to implement family policy. What validates a child more than his parents considering his thoughts on family matters?

Allowing children to take part in family decisions will give them the confidence they require when having to make decisions on their own. At some point our children will be faced with making a decision outside of the protection of our loving arms. One develops a sense of confidence by experience and guidance from a knowledgeable source. Children who have parental guidance through the many forks in the road will confidently choose left or right. A parent who is strong enough to allow his children some say without diminishing his authority will develop strong, confident and focused children.

There are times when it is not suitable for a child to have say in a family decision. Those decisions should be determined by the parents. Yet, when a decision can involve the children’s input it is important to allow them to be heard. Children who feel they are being heard will not spend time trying to be heard by any means possible or by any person who will listen. Strong parents encourage a family unit and not a dictatorship.

Homeschooling is an adventure in life and education like no other. Like everything in life it has its ups and downs. Here’s a list of the top 10 things a homeschooler is exposed to while the other kids are in school and their parents are at work.

10. Get to be asked “Is there no school today?” by relatives, neighbors, friends, dad’s co-workers, and the pizza delivery guy if you are seen outside of your home before 2PM.

9. Get to be questioned by relatives, neighbors, friends, dad’s co-workers, and the pizza delivery guy on why your mom choose to homeschool and wouldn’t you really like to go to an actual school and be with actual kids.

8. Get to wave goodbye to the school bus while in flannel PJ’s, fuzzy slippers and sipping hot cocoa. Yet, the school kids get to wave to you doing school while they are outside on their sleds during a snow day. No snow days for homeschoolers.

7. Get to go to the bathroom without the fear of being harassed or beat up by another student. Oh and let’s not forget no need for a hall pass.

6. Get to be quizzed by relatives, neighbors, friends, dad’s co-workers, and the pizza delivery guy on math, science, English, what day of the week it is and whose the president.

5. Get to look perplexed when asked “what grade are you in?” as the nurse is filling out your chart at the pediatrician’s office.

4. Get to have a spur of the moment field trip to the grocery store because mom forgot the milk. Sadly even this mundane event will turned into a lesson. A homeschooling mom can turn a trip to the grocery store into an economic, language, science, and health lesson all to be quizzed when you hit the front door.

3. Get to amaze your relatives, neighbors, friends, dad’s co-workers, and the pizza delivery guy with all the knowledge you learned in one year. It’s always fun to see the look of astonishment on their faces as you not only know who the president is but recite all the presidents in order along with the years they served, the names of First Ladies and their children.

2. Get to always turn in every assignment on time because there is no way you could have lost it between school and home.

1. Get to live in the same house with your teacher, principal, mom and dad. There is no escaping the parent/teacher conference. You can’t “loose” the note home from the teacher to your mom. Your principal can take away your Xbox for not getting an assignment done on time. However, you know that your teacher and principal love you more than anyone in the world and will do anything for you. How many school kids can say that?

It started out like any normal day but soon turned into an education in parenting. I called out, “Get your shoes we are leaving in a few minutes.” I beam with parental pride as two of my three kids were ready to go. My moment is dashed when my son informs me his shoes are missing. I was short tempered and sent him off crying to find his missing shoes. A few minutes later I find his shoes by the back door. He puts his shoes on and we are ready to leave.

We headed toward the door when I noticed my keys were missing. Frustrated, I realized that no one could scold me for such irresponsibility. I am sure my son would have loved to have his shot though. I find my keys in my coat and we are ready to go.

We head toward the door again. We are stopped by a loud noise. Was it a plane? No, it was my toddler screaming that she wanted to wear her pink princess shirt. I informed her that it was “bye bye” time. She informed me that she was going “bye bye” in a pink princess shirt. I took a deep breath and headed toward the laundry basket pretending not to see the tantrum.

Finally we arrive at the grocery store. In the produce aisle I hear another call of the wild. Low on patience and ready to pounce on my little cub I notice that it isn’t my child. It was a little boy crying about a lost toy he had brought into the store. I felt sympathy for this little boy with sad eyes. His mother was not sympathetic and scolded him. I was marveled by her response. That thought was betrayed as I reflected on my own son and his missing shoes.

Next stop was the cereal aisle where I saw a struggle between mother and child. The child insisted on a sugary cereal. The mother desperately tried to hold her ground with an unexciting box of tan colored corn flakes. Exhausted, the mother hangs her head in defeat and grabs the exciting colorful box of cereal. I immediately think she had failed and never should have allowed her child to wear her down. Again, my thoughts betray me with images of a pink princess shirt.

There are times we need a mirror for more than applying lipstick. I learned that I had grown slack on my parenting. I saw my kids as an obstacle rather than the chore as an obstacle the kids and I would tackle together. Allowing exhaustion to control how we parent leads to self indulged children. Allowing frustration to control how we parent leads to misplaced discipline and angry children. We are to discipline for our children’s profit not out of frustration or convenience. Unless we see discipline as education and not an outlet the bully on the playground has nothing on us.