Liars, we all know someone who finds it necessary to lie. Whether it be about the most mundane issue or when it’s something as important as testifying for the grand jury, some people feel the need to lie. The question I would like to raise is why. Lying is, more often than not, pointless, or so many whom are lied to would like to believe. Some doctors believe people lie because of various forms of chemical imbalances. I believe lying serves one overall purpose and it is to protect.

Natural human instinct tells us to survive, to protect ourselves at nearly all costs. Ultimately a person who lies feels in some way threatened. The subject being discussed can be of the most mundane in nature, but if someone feels threatened in any way, shape, or form, they are going to lie in response so that they feel as if they are maintaining a certain amount of control. Think about it. Your boss asks you what your plans are for the weekend and you know he’s only asking because he wants someone to run errands for him. Suddenly your weekend flashes before your eyes and you feel it slipping away and you realize that your two days of relaxation are at risk, what do you do? You paint the most pitiful expression on your face and say you’re visiting your sick grandmother. You felt that the weekend you waited so long for was at risk, so you lied to save it.

Some people tell small lies to protect what helps them survive in our competitive world, such as their long awaited weekend of relaxation, while others lie to protect a piece of themselves. A persons past can impact them in tremendous life-altering ways. It can leave a person bitter and insecure thus giving them all the more reason to lie when confronted by an issue they feel threatened by. If asked how one feels on a particular day, they may be feeling angry, frustrated, or depressed, yet they’ll say “fine” and be on their merry way. It’s so that they don’t have to face the parts of their past that made them feel that way, If faced, the past may tear them apart and take whatever composure they feel they are maintaining, and that’s what scares them the most.

Survival, it’s what lying is all about. It can be a child lying about putting those crayon marks on the wall because the know that if the truth is discovered, there will be consequences. The same goes for adults. We try to protect what we have at all costs and if lying serves our purpose then we are merely doing what we were designed to do…protect ourselves.

When you are in a conversation with someone you are automatically under the impression that during this conversation you will be able to speak and express your opinion. Isn’t that what a conversation is? A discussion about two or more people’s interests, hobbies, or life in general. A discussion meaning that both parties have enough time to express their own opinion or tell a story and respond to what is said by the other. Wrong! Apparently some people think everything is about them, therefore, the conversation should revolve around them. They always seem to find a way to turn everything you say into being about them. You mention your job and they take that as their cue to tell you about how much they hate their job and just can’t stand their coworkers. They begin ranting about how they are underpaid and overworked.

You’re standing there trying your hardest not to be rude but every ounce of you wants to shout, “Oh my gosh, I don’t care.” But you don’t. This person has been talking for ten minutes about how much he hates his boss and how he could quit and find another job in a heartbeat if he wanted. Inside you’re screaming, “Go ahead and quit since you’re so sure of yourself, just stop talking to me about it for crying out loud.”

Seriously, why do people like that even bother with putting up a pretense of wanting to have a two-way conversation with you when what they really want is a microphone, lights, and center stage so they can complain to you all night. They might as well say “Hi, my name is Chad (for example) and I don’t really care what your name is so don’t bother telling me. I’m going to be talking about me for the next twenty minutes or so. Feel free to add “Okay”, “I understand”, “I agree”, or just nod occasionally but please make no mistake, this conversation will remain focused on me.” When the conversation veers towards the other person, the attention seeker nearly throws a tantrum. He’ll do everything short of shaking you to get your attention again. Finally, it’s time to interject with “Get over yourself, you’re not that interesting.” For some reason, people like this seem to think that it’s okay to interrupt you in the middle of your sentence to tell you something about their life that is supposedly more interesting, but when you interrupt them they get offended and say things like, “Excuse me, I’m not finished.” It’s almost funny it’s so ridiculous. They actually get offended. Maybe they were an only child, I don’t know but something must have caused this wait, let’s talk about me syndrome.

Personal space is just that, personal space. When people are talking to one another, personal space boundaries are always implied. There is a certain area around you that you expect to have to yourself and others are expected to respect. It’s considered to be rude and inconsiderate when you are talking to someone and you are a little too close to them. Sometimes I wonder why personal space is so important to almost every individual on the planet and why some just refuse to respect it assuming that it’s merely a suggestion.

Let’s look at the different ways in which it is possible to disrespect ones personal space. When you are on a bus full of crowded people, it’s expected that it’s going to be a little crowded and therefore uncomfortable, but whatever you do, you don’t invaded another persons space intentionally. You do whatever it takes to remain a respectable distance from the people around you. If you think about it, it’s reasonable for someone to assume that you are up to something when you are too close to them. When you are on that crowded bus, yes you may be forced to be a little closer than acceptable to a person next to you, but when you can smell that persons breakfast or if you’re practically kissing them, that is way too close and you have to find a way to put some distance between the two of you. This remains especially true if the other individual is of the opposite sex.

When you are walking home from work, perhaps down a dark street, the person space that is implied is yours doubles. Why? It doubles because the possibility of danger doubles and that space makes you feel a little more comfortable. If anyone is walking even four to five feet behind you, that’s too close isn’t it? It’s too close because there is ample room on that sidewalk and absolutely no reason for that person to be walking so close behind you unless they are up to something.

The only time in which it’s acceptable to invade another’s personal space if and only if you are invited. At a party you meet an attractive woman and decide to start talking to her, that’s all good and fine but make sure you keep a respectable distance until it’s understood between the two of you that she is comfortable with you coming closer. A person’s body language will always tell you if they are comfortable with you or if they are about to bolt. Usually when they are stiff and jumpy, that means you are already violating the personal space boundaries. Trust me when I say the personal space boundaries are not a suggestion. If you want to gain someones trust then you most definitely have to respect those boundaries.

Everyone has at least one thing that they don’t like about their neighborhood but most of the time, it’s fairly easy to ignore the problem. What happens when the problem is your next door neighbor? No matter what you do, you can’t seem to get rid of her. Somehow she always manages to ease her way into your house against you many protests, she pops up in your yard at several times throughout the day, and most unusually, she always seems to end up with your mail - your opened mail. So how do you get rid of her?

Well, the problem is you’ve been too nice. My guess is you’re afraid to offend her, but the thing you’ve got to remember is she crossed the line first. The next time you try to close the door but she squeezes her way through the opening, accidentally step on her toes. Okay, so maybe that’s going to a little too far but there are several ways to get rid of busybody neighbors. Although you might find it to be rude, you have to be firm. When she insists that she needs to come into your house, tell her that she will be allowed inside when and if she is ever invited. When she miraculously ends up with your mail and it comes back to you opened, remind her that it’s a federal offense to tamper with other peoples mail. Or, if you don’t mind going to extreme lengths, get a pit bull and chain him to your front lawn. That ought to keep her off of your property. No, I’m just kidding. You really could take this drastic approach if you want but there is a much easier way.

Sometimes people are nosy or even mean and rude because of something they are lacking in their own lives. You neighbor might find you interesting in some way. Maybe he or she finds your hobbies interesting and wants to learn more about them. Take gardening for example, if you are outside taking care of your plants and your neighbor pops over to critique, she or he may not be trying to be rude but only trying to get you to ask him/her for advice so that he will feel included. Try inviting your neighbor to help you plant something and soon you might find that he/she is softening up a little. Kindness, it’s really the best policy. Now you won’t always be able to soften  them, but you could try and see what happens. You might find that he/she is a rose with a few thorns that just need trimming.

Sweets, we all love them and we all want them even when we know we’ll regret it on the scales. Some of us have tries those miracle diets shown on T.V and advertised on the internet guaranteeing to rid you of those late night cravings. Most of us have tried these miracle diets, pills, and teas only to find that it worked for those women shown on television but unfortunately not for you. Well, maybe there’s only one way to go. Sometimes you just have to make yourself stop eating that cake, ice cream, chips, and cookies. Easier said than done right? It really can be done if you put your mind to it, literally.

When you feel you can’t resist that scrumptious piece of cake, pretend that it’s something else. Would you eat a piece of cake that had worms devouring it? Would you eat cookies that had just come out of the garbage? I hope not, so pretend that you just dug them out of the trash. Pretend that bag of chips has countless roaches crawling throughout the bottom of the bag. I know it sounds like a stretch, but try it. The mind is a wonderful thing and you’d be amazed at the various ways in which you can use it, even when trying to lose weight.

For a lot of people, pills just don’t work. It’s because our bodies were not designed to take all of these synthetic things people try to get us to stuff ourselves with so that they can make a buck. Think about it, even when these pills work even a little, there are usually uncomfortable side effects. It’s because our bodies aren’t meant to handle these chemicals and such. I know it’s difficult, but if you hang in there and rely on will power, it will pay off big time in the end and best of all, it won’t cost you a penny! Personally, I feel so much more proud of myself when I lose weight through my own power via exercise, not eating so much junk, and less stress. I know it’s nearly impossible to cut junk food completely out of your life because it’s just so good, but just cut down and you will see amazing results. Once you start cutting a little out at a time, you won’t feel you need to have that chocolate cake after dinner every night.

Human companionship. We all want it in one form or another. Sometimes it’s through friendship, other times it’s by spending time with our various family members, but more often than not it’s through romantic involvement. I’ve often wondered why we find it comforting to be around other people. I understand that there are some people out there in the world that would prefer to be alone than go out to that party on a Saturday night, hang out with buddies or call a girl/boy up for a date, but even they seek companionship of some sort. Take listening to music or watching television for example, the singer or character often conveys the message that they know what you are going through and that they sympathize with you. Even this is a form of companionship.

On special holidays we often focus on surrounding ourselves with family and even friends. On Thanksgiving you want to have someone to pass the turkey to. Being surrounded by the people that you love and care about is special and we all want it whether we admit it or not. Think about it, do you really want to be home rereading that book you’ve probably read three times before? Personally I’d much rather have conversation filling a room rather than that of a non-existent character who has had her heart broken for the umpteenth time.

When your heart has been broken, what do you do? Okay, so maybe you don’t have anyone to hold you when you need a shoulder to cry on so you turn on the television, wrap yourself in a blanket, and cry on a pillow. The entire time you are doing that, you wish you had someone to hold and comfort you. You long for a friend to call, a friend that will offer you words of encouragement or even one who will just lend you an ear. You may even long for someone romantically. Someone who you feel understands you and is willing to be there for you because they love you. Even when you are happier than you’ve ever been, bursting at the seems with excitement for one reason or another, you want to share that with someone. You don’t want to be alone, holed up in your room and people that are usually try to go out to meet someone to spend their time with.

The truth is we were made to share our love with others. We weren’t made to keep it all to ourselves. When someone needs comforting, we are supposed to be there for them just like they are supposed to be there for us. I truly believe that there are so many people on the planet so that no one is without a shoulder to lean on or without someone to hold them. Sure we occasionally resist the urge to seek companionship, not because we don’t need it, but because we’re afraid that when we seek it, it won’t be there to find. I know I’m afraid to let someone hold me sometimes, but I know that like everyone else I won’t be able to resist it for long because we were designed for each other. As friends, family, or even those that we seek for romantic company.

I’m sure that many of you out there have heard these words before, “I really do love you…really.” Perhaps you’ve even heard it on more than one occasion, but the questions you ask yourself repetitively probably confuse the living daylights out of you. You have to learn to focus on the facts at hand first, then focus on your feelings. Your feeling are what is causing the trouble and most of the irrelevant questions crowding your brain!

Imagine that a man that you have known for some time now, as a friend, tells you that he loves you. The two of you have flirted on and off and you really think that there may be something there, but you’re not sure if he’s trying to play you. This is where looking at the facts will help you the most. Ask yourself about his character. Is he the type that likes to “play” and run? Is he more like the cocky man who just acts like he likes you because he is just so sure that you’ll fall for him? Or is he usually sincere in all that he does? You’ll be able to answer all of these questions if you think back on how he’s treated his former “lovers”, girlfriends, friendly friends, or even random people around him.

Whatever you do, do not make excuses for him! This is where your feeling will trip you up big time. If you know that he’s a player but convince yourself that it would be different with you, you’re telling yourself a bold-faced lie. I realize that it practically impossible to ignore your feelings, but if you want to be true to yourself then sometimes you have to ignore them. Let me explain before you close this article. When you let your feelings dictate your actions, you often find that you are ignoring what’s in your face because of what you want to believe. Sometimes you have to train yourself to look at the facts before feelings.

Most importantly, give yourself time. Think before you act or believe what someone is telling you. It will help you in the end. Last but not least, remember that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes it’s the only way to learn and grow as a human being.

For all the music lovers out there, I think you know what I mean when I say music heals. When you’re feeling down what do you usually do? Most go straight for their music. Even when you’re happy, excited, bored, or heartbroken, music seems to be the answer.

On the radio there seems to be a song about everything. There are songs expressing how the artist feels about his or her recent break up and even about their new outlook on life now that they have been through the fire so to speak. When normal people go through breakups, they turn on the radio for a form of support. To know that someone else knows how you are feeling can be comforting…healing.

When we are in a rut and feel like there is no way out, a song with a good beat can cheer you right up. The lyrics in itself can be healing but if it doesn’t have a good beat to back it up…it can make you feel even worse than you were feeling before. Music is a form of entertainment yes, but it is also a way for the listener to feel like someone understands. To feel that they are not the only ones who have their bad days, breakups, and so forth is in itself comforting.

Music may not be a permanent answer to your problems, but it can be like putting a soothing ointment on a cut. So turn on your blues, your R&B, or your gospel music, sit back and let it sooth you…if only for a little while.

You turn on your television set for an hour of relaxation and maybe your favorite talk show. These talk shows usually have interesting topics up for debate, so I used to watch them quite frequently. To be honest, as soon as they had a featured segment on topics such as transsexuals, I turned the channel. Sometimes I don’t stop long enough to give an issue a chance. So one day, I decided to watch one of the segments only to find that the host and the participants seemed to only want to get a rise out of the audience. They were making crewd and obscene gestures and spoke of seemingly mundane things. I wondered why they weren’t talking about some of the most obvious issues that would arise due to their chosen orientations.

For example, have you ever wondered what the rule is on where transsexuals are allowed to go when it comes to using the restroom or working out in the gym? I know that they are human beings and in America every human being has rights, but to what extent? Is it really fair to allow a man who chooses to dress as a woman to enter places where only women are allowed? What about the women who expect any other woman in that specific area to be women? Some might say that a man who chooses to be a woman is now and forever more a woman, but is it really true.

Proof of life is in the blood and if an individual is born a man, then he will forever have the XY chromosome no matter how he dresses or has done via medical procedure. This should be considered when debating issues such as these because problems are sure to arise. If a man who chooses to be a woman is allowed to change in the women’s locker room, who’s to say that a pervert won’t decide to pretend to be a transexual just to gain entrance to places like women’s locker rooms and bathrooms. It violates female privacy and puts them at risk of being violated by the opposite sex.

Where do we draw the line in America? Yes we want to preserve the rights of every individual if possible, but when that effort puts others at risk, we have a problem. Although many, including myself believe that anything such as the idea of homosexuality, transexuals, transvestites, or any behavior related to it is perversion, it still needs to be addressed.