I find the dating scene to be so complicated and scary. Most people in our society today are involved with online dating. But there are so many possibilities of becoming targets. And what I mean by targets is, victims of rapists, abusers, or thiefs! What should a person do if they find themselves in a position where they like someone, but they’ve met online, and are unsure of what percautions to take? Here are some safety tips for you to fall back on.

1. Always meet your interest in a public place. If they tell you they don’t like public places for
some reason or another. Leave them alone! They are probably up to no good.

2. Get as much information as you can about your interest before you meet. Address, Place
of employment, Bank, etc., and check up on this information before meeting them. You need to
know that they are being honest and up front with you from the start.

3. Bring a friend to watch over you. This friend should not be joining you, but be off to the side
close by, taking pictures. This friend should get a picture of their car, license plate number,
the interest themselves, etc. They won’t know who you know (unless you have their
face plastered on the website you met them on).

4. Don’t forget to bring your cell phone, which hopefully has voice activation. If at any point you
start feeling uncomfortable with his advances, you can just reach inside your purse and push
the side of your phone and start recording. I give this advice, because if you decide you want
to file charges against him for harassment, the police will need some kind of proof.

5. Never give them too much information. Don’t get into bank accounts, where your kids go to
school (it’s none of their business unless they want to start paying their child support), how
much income you make, where you keep your valuables in the home (they could follow you
home and break in while your gone, or worse, sleeping!)

It’s a very unsafe world these days, and people are becoming harder and harder to trust. I know…I’ve made this mistake. And it almost cost me my life! Worse yet, I didn’t have the smarts at the time to take these precautions, and the police had very little to go on. I never did catch my attacker.

Be safe…not sorry!

Christmas is coming soon and we can start to plan for it now. Planning will give us more choices and allow us to make better buying decisions than waiting to the last minutes. Shopping centers are crowded during the holiday and it can get expensive too because they know you have to buy it.

Even though they have sales signs but the prices are inflated because of the holiday. Things are more expensive because they want to make money and they know that you’ll need it. You can avoid high cost by shopping early and tuck it away. It can be fun to shop for Christmas. You can get things done here and there so that you don’t end up in a long line during the Holiday.

Christmas shopping is not as hard as most people make it look like. The average person will have about 30 people that they need to shop for and this include their immediate family, friends, relatives and coworkers or exchange clubs. You can get all of these done within a week. It’s not that hard.

You just need to plan and do things more efficiently. Like the next time you’re out shopping you can buy something along for the people on your list. If you see something that is on sales or that you think they may like you can buy it and tuck it away for the coming month. You should try to get things done while you’re also doing something else. The more you can get done the better.

If you keep working at it soon you’ll have everyone on your list cover. There are certain things that you shouldn’t get for certain people and you should avoid those things. You want to buy them the present that they’ll love and not something that they need to return or give it away.

You probably know the people on your list well enough so just pay attention to what they like or what they have around them and buy those things. Don’t go off on that or else they can return their present. You don’t want to spend so much time shopping and then have them return it.

It should be easy. Just buy nice gifts that they will love and you’ll be fine. Have you heard lately about your wife wanting a vacation or you kids wanting a laptop? Keep those things in mind and if you can afford it then you should get it for them.

Things you should not get for your wife include tools, vacuum, sweaters, intimate wear and clothing. Women clothing is hard to fit and you should give them gift cards instead of clothing so that they don’t have to return it. Women don’t like tools and vacuum. These are men things. Intimate wear can offend them.

Things you should buy for your husband are tools, clothing, wine, cigars, watches, and add your own taste to it. Men in general are easier to buy gifts for then women. How about your children? This Christmas you can get them an I pod. Listening to music while they’re bore somewhere could be good. You can buy them a laptop so that they’ll have something to carry around and work on their college stuff. It’s better to buy children things that they can use for education.

One of the toughest courses the U.S. Army has to offer is Basic Airborne Training.  The course is designed to train soldiers and officers how to become Paratroopers.  The course is held at the Airborne School in Fort Benning, Georgia.  The course is only 3 weeks long, but will test your physical endurance and mental toughness far beyond the normal boundaries.

Becoming a Paratrooper is certainly not for everyone.  The training is long, hard, and physically demanding.  Most of the soldiers that are not in top physical condition will be eliminated by the end of the first week.  This is one course that will really separate the, “men from the boys.”

If you are interested in making the military a career, taking the Airborne course will definitely enhance your rank and credentials.  All of the military’s special forces and special operations units like, the Green Berets,  Navy Seals, and some specialized Ranger units, must be Airborne qualified before they can become a member of these elite units.

In the first week of training or “ground week,” the soldiers will be subjected to extreme physical conditioning, and basics like how to wear the parachute harness properly.  They will also be trained on how to exit the aircraft properly by training on the “mock” door.  They will also be taught the techniques of proper parachute landings, how to handle their parachute during the descent, and then they will actually jump from the 34 foot tower which actually simulates an actual jump.

During week two the tough physical conditioning continues along with training designed to teach a soldier how to control oscillation during their descent.  More training is employed to emphasize safe landing procedures, and then the latter part of week two is spent making jumps from the 250 foot tower.

In the third and final week of training, the soldiers will make five real jumps from either an C-130 Hercules or a C-141 Starlifter aircraft.  After the successful completion of five jumps they will earn their coveted silver ”Airborne Wings.”

The American Airborne Units have an incredibly rich and prestigious history.  They have played an important role in the Normandy Invasion of World War II and the Battle of the Bulge.  They have fought gallantly in the jungles of Vietnam, and have effectively engaged the enemy in Operation Desert Storm, Iraq, and Afghanistan.  A substantial number of Medal of Honor recipients have also been Airborne soldiers.

If you’re looking to enter the military and are seeking a real challenge that can help enhance your career,  consider enrolling in the Airborne training.   The training and camaraderie is second to none, and you will truly understand what Paratroopers mean when they utter their famous motto, “Airborne All The Way.”

More than 40 years ago, on May 27, 1958 the first Phantom F4 fighter jet took to the skies.   This incredible aircraft the first one used as an interceptor by the U.S. Navy, was also capable of flying as a ground support bomber for the United States Marine Corps.  The aircraft has flown an infinite variety of missions such as, air superiority, close air support, interceptor missions, air defense suppression, long range strikes, attack and reconnaissance.  It still holds records today in a variety of categories that no other aircraft can challenge.

Its main form of notoriety was its use during the Vietnam War.  Nothing was more comforting to the soldiers of the Vietnam conflict, than to see this beautiful aircraft come to their aid with its fearsome and deadly accurate fire support.  There has been a multitude of lives saved by the timing and precision of this awesome aircraft.  It has also been used with great success in Iraq during Operation Desert Storm.

The Phantom was the first multi-service aircraft, having flown with the U.S. Navy, Air Force and Marines.  It is the first and only aircraft to be flown concurrently by both the U.S. Navy Blue Angels and the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds.  From 1958 until its retirement in 1996, it has flown more than 17 million miles and is still active today in the defense of 11 nations worldwide.

The Phantom was built by Mc Donnell Douglas Aircraft in St. Louis, Missouri.  There were 5,057 of the planes built in the United States, and it still holds the record for the largest production run of any supersonic jet fighter built in the United States.

The jet fighter seated two pilots, and flew at Mach 2 (twice the speed of sound) and could carry a payload of up to 16,000 pounds of bombs, rockets, missiles and guns.  The pilots that flew this incredible fighter praised it for its reliability, effectiveness, and most of all its safety.

The F4 Phantom today, remains one of the most popular aircraft of all time with both pilots and aircraft buffs of all ages.  Its popularity is evident by the fact that many of the airshows conducted within the United States each year features the mighty Phantom F4 as its headliner.

Almost every girl wants her boyfriend to do different things to make her feel special.  Things that are a surprise, something she won’t expect to happen or get from her boyfriend.  Some girls want something from his heart not some gift bought in the store.  Dr. Chapman stated in his book “The Five Love Languages” that one language is the language of gifts.  While some people have a primary language of gifts, others don’t, but a surprise gift can still mean and say a lot.  Some of the best gifts are the ones that don’t cost a thing, the things he creates on his own to express how he (or she) feels.  A good idea that he mentioned that I like is each person write down a list of surprises that you would like and each person try to do each of the surprises on the list in random order at random times.  Here are some ideas of random surprises that you can do off of a list.

Read a poem:  Poetry is one of the best ways a person can express their love, and back in the day of the classic literature (Brownings, Dickenson etc) poetry was one of the main things a man did to try and woo a woman.  Shakespeare is most known for his love sonnets “Shall I Compare Thee” is probably his most famous.  What you can do is pick a poem that you feel expresses your love the best: for me it was “How Do I Love Thee” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.  For an added surprise and effort you can write a poem and then read it.  From a girl’s perspective having a poem read to you that your boyfriend wrote is one of the highest forms of feeling special.  To see that he took the time to write you a poem says a lot.

Love Letters:  This day and age writing a love letter doesn’t happen all that often, unless a girl writes one to her boyfriend.  But honestly men: how many of you write a love letter to your girlfriend?  Seeing a guy’s feelings on paper shows passion on love because it takes a lot to be able to put your love into words; sometimes it can be impossible, but even simply saying “words can’t justify how I feel for you” can go a long way.  Even in an email getting a note that says something like “i appreciate you” or “you don’t know how special you are to me.”  But what I am talking about is an actual letter in your handwriting, that may be more than one page.  Put it in envelope with her name on it and leave it on the pillow or in her lunch to find.  Think of how special that would be.

Draw a cheesy picture:  Okay I know this may sound a little high schoolish, but it is still cute to find a little picture of a heart with initials in them.  I know some girls do that a lot, heck I am one of them.  But to have a guy draw a cheesy picture for you is so cute and sweet.  It meant a lot to me when my boyfriend drew an eye, then a heart, then a sheep (ewe) to be a pictogram for “I love you.”  You can draw a picture in the paint application on the computer and then send it in an email something like your own personal e-card.  Some of the love e-cards can be so impersonally and generic that making one of your own could be cute even if the pictures don’t move and it doesn’t have sound that goes with it.

Creative “I love you”:  Simply saying “I love you” all the time may not be enough all the time.  I love you can be overused sometimes.  I think coming up with unique ways of saying I love you could become a new game: like who can come up with the most creative way of saying those three little words.  You can use foreign languages like “Je T’aime” or other languages.  You can like I said before draw little pictograms or even a play on words somehow.  You can use your own personality and interests to make it more interesting.  Some guys would write a song, while others would cook a romantic dinner.  There are other ways you can come up with like little cut out letters spelling it out and you can leave it on the pillow or in the kitchen.

Surprise Dances:  When it is raining outside take her hand and lead her out into the rain for a romantic dance in the rain.  Of course you only want to do this when the weather outside is warm, you don’t want to dance in the rain and get sick right?  Dancing in the rain can be so romantic especially if you do it under the stars.  You can also drive to an empty lot like at a high school and dance under the stars.  I have always had the dream of being taken to the parking lot of the school, where a picnic is set up and a radio.  As we dance he places a crown on my head and tells me it’s my prom and I was his prom queen (I never went to prom).  Guys could always do that: every woman wants to feel like a queen and giving her a special prom where she is the queen would be something special.

Unexpected hugs and kisses:  Sure everyone expects hugs and kisses when we part and come together again.  Getting an unexpected kiss or hug is a simple surprise, especially if it is done around friends or family.  For example you could be out with a group for friends and while in a conversation you can lean over and kiss her cheek, it is the smallest way to say “I love you and in this crowd you are important to me.”  We ladies want to feel important and special and doing different thing while in public helps us feel special and important.  It doesn’t have to be a big display of affection, but something simple like hugging her from behind or a small kiss on the cheek.  Whisper in her ear that you love her and how beautiful she is will almost always put a smile on her face.

Pick Wildflowers: While on your way to see her you can stop by the side of the road in the spring or summer and pick her a handful of flowers.  They are as wonderful as store bought flowers, but also more special because you took the time to stop and pick her flowers.  It shows you were thinking of her and could also say that you are always thinking of the woman in your life.  Many times the wildflowers that you pick can’t be bought in the store, so it would be special and unique because many guys can go out a buy a dozen roses or so, but to take the time to stop and pick roses says a lot.  When my boyfriend pulled the flowers he picked from behind his back I couldn’t help but smile even though I don’t like flowers all that much.

Make Time For Her: This may not sound like something big, but some guys are so incredibly busy that there may not be a lot of time to spend together.  So making time for her makes her feel special and important.  Don’t go to that band practice one night in order to take her out to dinner, or don’t go to that game so you can sit under the trees and watch the leaves fall.  Some couples take a day out of the week and make that night their “date” night where no one and nothing else can interrupt them.  No other plans are allowed to be made for that night because that is their time together.  That shows that both parties are invested into the relationship and willing to do what it takes to make each other feel special and loved.  Instead of doing something on a normal ‘date’ day, take time off some other day and surprise her for dinner or something along those lines.

Be interested in her interests:  Every one has their own list of interests and things they like to do in their spare time.  It could be writing, sports, cards, dancing, whatever you name it.  One way to make your spouse feel special is to show interest in the things that interest them.  If she likes poetry, go with her to a poetry reading, or if he is in a band or male choir go to his concert with him.  If he plays in a sport go to one of the events and cheer so loud for him, show him your support.  If she loves to dance suggest taking a dance class together.  Interests and hobbies are important to everyone and when someone you love and care about shows an interest in your interests and hobbies it shows they really care and want to know more about you and be with you whenever they can be.

Many of the things you can do as a surprise could cross many languages like quality time and words of affirmation.  Surprises are always great when they come from someone you love.  Sometimes people can feel like the love has plateaued or things are getting strained or that it just got too comfortable.  When you do different things to surprise the one you love with different things like poems, letters, and small gestures of love go a long way and help keep the passion there and help keep the love strong.  Different things that you do help ignite the passion and keep it fired.  Having a relationship can take work and time, you can’t just let it be and take things for granted.  Every girl needs to feel loved and special.  These things and the surprises that you can come up with will help keep your girlfriend (and boyfriends they like to feel special too right?) feel special.

Vincent Robert Capodanno was a soldier of extraordinary courage.  He was born on February 13, 1929 in Staten Island, New York.  He was a catholic priest that graduated from the Maryknoll Seminary in 1949.   Father Capodanno initially worked as a Missionary travelling the world and serving in countries like Taiwan, China, and Korea.

After serving several years in foreign countries where he helped to build schools and establish catholic parishes, Father Capodanno opted to embark on a career much more challenging.  Father Capodanno requested service as a chaplain in the United States Marine Corps.

Father Capodanno attended Officer Candidates School and in the midst of the Vietnam war was assigned to the 7th Marine Division, in 1966.  His service during that year was at the height of the war, when the fighting was intense and casualties were high.

Father Capodanno was not your ordinary chaplain.  The majority of chaplains were kept away from the real dangers of combat, and usually served in areas of relative safety.  They usually conducted religious services and counseled weary and tired troops at base camps.

Father Capodanno was a different breed of Marine Chaplain.  He was always in the midst of the fighting, going out on missions with his beloved Marines.  There was no safe area for the chaplain, only the front lines where the Marines needed him the most.  As a chaplain, he led, inspired, and constantly exposed himself to enemy fire while attempting to console and administer the “last rites,” to critically injured Marines.  The Marines loved their chaplain and thus named him, “the grunt padre.”  The word “grunt” is a term used to describe combat infantryman.

Upon completion of his initial tour of duty in Vietnam, Father Capodanno requested an extension of duty and was then assigned to the 5th Marine Division.  Once again Father Capodanno, fearless and resigned to serve alongside his battle weary Marines, was immersed in some of the worse combat of the Vietnam war.

On September 4th, 1967, in the Que Son Valley, soldiers of the 5th Marine Division found and engaged a large unit of North Vietnamese, approximately 2,500 of them near the village of Dong Son.  It was only 4:30 in the morning, but the fighting was savage and intense, some of it at very close quarters.  The Marines of Company D were far out-numbered and in desperate need of reinforcements.  The casualties mounted and there were desperate attempts by medevac choppers to evacuate the dead and dying, but intense ground fire kept the choppers from landing.

As the battle continued, there were 26 marine casualties by mid morning.  The situation was becoming dire and in an attempt to avoid being overrun by the North Vietnamese, an additional Company of Marines joined the battle.  By 9:15 am, the fighting was so intense that yet another request for help arrived in the form of two more Marine company’s.

During the early hours of the fighting, Father Capodanno monitored the progress of his Marines from the Headquarters operations room at his base camp.  He felt helpless and isolated from his beloved Marines and boarded a helicopter with other soldiers heading for the battle.  Whenever his Marines needed him, he was always there, and this was no exception, they needed him now more than ever.

Father Capodanno and the troops reinforcing the already beseiged Marines joined the battle just outside the small village of Chau Lam.  They immediately came under horrific and intense fire from the large contingent of North Vietnamese soldiers.  They were caught in a large, open area and the fighting was fierce.  The North Vietnamese soldiers were so close that the Marines at times, engaged their enemy in intense “hand to hand” combat.

Father Capodanno completely ignored the danger of the situation, as he ran in the face of intense enemy fire to help his Marines.  Father Capodanno, undeterred in the midst of the battle, continued to tend to the wounded and dying.  Going from man to man, he prayed, cradled, and when needed, gave comfort and consolation to his dying Marines.   The soft words of comfort and prayer from Father Capodanno would be the last words some of these Marines would ever hear.

As the fighting progressed, Father Capodanno was severely wounded in the face and hit by a round that almost severed his entire hand.  Still the Chaplain continued on his mission.  Father Capodanno spotted a lone Marine that was gravely wounded only a few feet from an enemy machine gun position.  Father Capodanno started for the soldier but was hit and killed trying to save the wounded Marine.

Father Vincent Robert Capodanno, a Marine Corps legend, was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor on December 27, 1968 for his courage and service.

Writing a romantic poem for someone is one of the best ways to express your feelings. You can put things in the poem that you may be too shy to say in person. Opening your heart to someone in this way will promote a connection. Letting your emotions flow into the poem will bring you and the other person closer. Romantic poetry is a great way to show the person you love your true self.

Think of all the qualities you really love about the other person. Things like how they look, what they believe in, their spirit, and traits that set them apart from others. Keep these all in mind while writing the poem. Expound on the person’s good qualities. Let your emotions show through in the writing. This is not the time to hold back!

Tell the person how you really feel about them. Make them feel the emotion in the poem. Explain exactly what you love about them. Use romantic words to convey everything.

Giving a romantic poem along with an engagement ring would be a nice touch. It is something your future bride is sure to remember.

Romantic poems are good gifts for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, and just as “I love you” presents. Plus it’s always good to give a romantic poem to show that you’re sorry for past transgressions.

Romantic poems aren’t just for men to write either. Women can write one for their guy. Men may not admit it, but they like getting sentimental gifts too. Anyone in a relationship should take the time to show the other person what they mean to them.

Poetry has long been a sure way to a woman’s heart. Pour your heart and soul into the poem. Show her exactly how you feel about her, and you can’t go wrong. Write a romantic poem today and cement your relationship.

Have you ever thought that the US ever had so many days we celebrate? I have written about 38, but going over and over again to learn about history, I’m learning there are many new holidays and days coming to our calendar soon. Here are a few of the calendar days as well as federal days.

a. Thanksgiving                                                              
b. Christmas                                                                      
c. Independence day                                      
d. Memorial day                                                          
e. Labor day                                                             
f. mothers day                                                
g. fathers day                                                       
h. Valentines day                                                     
i. Hanukkah
j. Kwanzaa
k. Uniform holidays bill
l. Veterans day
m. New years day
n. Martin Luther king Jr.
o. Inauguration Day
p. Columbus Day
q. Columbus Day
r. Washington’s Birthday
s. Constitution Day and Citizenship Day
t. Flag Day
u. National Grandparents’ Day
v. Wright Brothers Day
w. Patriot Day
x. Thomas Jefferson’s birthday
y. Peace Officers Memorial Day
z. Parents’ Day

1a. Law Day, U.S.A. (May 1)
2b. Leif Erikson Day                                                                        
3c. Constitution Day and Citizenship Day (September 17)
4d. Child Health Day
5e. Ash Wednesday
6f. Groundhog day
7g. ST. Patrick’s day
8h. April fools day
9i. Good Friday
10j. Easter
11k. Boss’s day
12l. Earth day

Is there such a thing as a real secret?  Secrets, those private matters that are hush hush and sometimes only known by one or two people are what has often rocked the world when revealed.  I remember distinctly being in a class a long time ago.  The professor was telling us about a group of people who met to discuss their unsolved crimes.  The purpose of the clandestine meeting was to tell how each person was able to pull off the “perfect crime”,  which had baffled the police and authorities to the extent that they remained  enigmas for years.  The people who committed these crimes were now bold enough to meet to disclose their clever schemes.  It was understood and agreed upon  that no one was to go outside of the circle and tell anyone, not even their spouses. 

Well, of course, because the schemes were too good to be kept confidential, each person was eventually arrested for the unsolved crime he/she had committed.  The pact to not discuss the schemes outside of the circle was slowly broken .  Some of them shared with their spouses what they had heard,  and their spouses rehearsed the gross scenarios with others, and they shared it with still others, until the widened exposure resulted in everyone’s arrest. 

  Why do people keep secrets?  There are several reasons for keeping secrets:  : 

a. embarrassment
b. punishment for  criminal behavior
c. shame and disgrace
d. indecency
e. family incrimination  or blots on one’s good reputation 
f. fear or reprisal
g. fear of rejection or hatred
h. personal or sensitive information leaks
i. compromising confidential or sealed information
j. the possibility that such information that can be used against you or another person        
k. threats if information is disclosed  

These are just some of the reasons people work hard to keep something secret.  Even small children keep secrets from their parents for any of the above mentioned reasons.  As a person grows and matures, they find ways to keep their secrets locked behind the vaults of their minds.  We call this putting things on the back burner.  But are they ever on the back burner?  I maintain that some secrets serve to function as plagues to our lives and progress.

Are there good secrets?  Yes, there are good secrets.  People who are philanthropists often request that their gifts and donations be given anonymously.  I call these good secrets.  Even Christmas presents are sometimes given anonymously by agencies who want to share in the Christmas spirit.  These good secrets hold the mystique for human curiosity, and wonderment.  Who doesn’t like to guess about the giver of  such gifts? 

Are there bad secrets?  Of course, many.  They exist like rushing water behind a dam.  If ever the dam is broken, the secrets flow out to cause embarrassment, collateral damage, and confusion.  Have you ever heard of people who decided to turn over a new leaf in their lives.  They, perhaps moved to a new location, changed their name, and made good their promise to themselves to reform their lives.  Even so, the secrets of the pass often come to haunt them.  They really can never live a normal life without the fear that someone from their pass may discover them.  This has happened, and again, a good life was exposed, and sometimes disabled.  On the other hand, others have been uncovered only to find that their new life has been so prolific, that it made little difference. 

When people wish they were a nail or fly on the wall, they are expressing the idea of listening in on conversations to which others are not privy.  They would be able to listen to many secret things.  Today, with technology, many people get their wish to hear those private conversations, or hear one  even talking to himself/herself.  That’s how advanced we have gotten, however, we still have not been able to discover every hidden or secret thing.   I use to worry about not knowing a lot of secrets.  However, the Bible gave me the assurance I needed.  “There is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither nid, that shall not be known.”  Luke 12:2.  And then in Ecclesiastes 12:2 is the revelation that “God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.”  Right before my eyes I could see that God knows everything– and that includes all secrets.  So, actually we are getting away with nothing even though we may not be rewarded or punished by our peers presently. God is our judge, and all of our deeds will be brought before him.  We are therefore, accountable to Him.  It makes complete sense then to have secrets, but it makes better sense to realize that there will a time of reckoning. 

Secrets, then, are not really secrets.  They are deeds and words that are simply buried for a time.   They are all exposed to God, though sometimes hidden from mankind.  Just as the criminals mentioned earlier felt confident that they had gotten away with their misdeeds, hidden secrets can lead us to deceive ourselves.  I don’t suppose anyone would like all of their secrets brought out of their boxes and placed on the table.  The greatest consolation I find when I think about secrets is that God alone will keep our secrets secure.  If our secrets have brought reproach and shame, we may tell Him alone, and He will restore and revive us.  And like happy parents who want to say, “Surprise!” to their children on their birthday, God will give us the happy surprise of forgiving all of our secret mistakes, and He will give us His love and guidance to transcend those mistakes of the past in order to live a life of dignity, hope and inspiration.    If you are talking about secrets– that my friends, is no secret!  

There is almost nothing as sad as seeing a marriage fail.  Seeing a marriage which was entered into with  love, faith, joy, and great expectations now dwindled down to an institution where only hatred, bitterness, resentments, distrust and misgivings are festering, is enough to make one want to turn over in bed and go back to dreamland.

What God had intended to be a covenant relationship, a oneness, turns into a hotbed of tears, hurt, and pain.  Why do marriages fail?  What are some things we can do to prevent them from failing? Who is to blame?  Who is affected after the collapse?  These are some of the issues we want to herein address.

REASONS FOR BREAKDOWNS IN MARRIAGE

1.  There has been a breach in trust.  No marriage can exist in full faith without trust.  When two individuals vow to each other their fidelity, it means a lifelong commitment to be true to each others.  When one or the other breaks this seal of loyalty, the other becomes distrustful.  And, the more it is broken, the harder it becomes to trust anything the other may say or do.

2.  Husbands and wives do not spend quality time with each other.  In a world  where responsibility is primary, many men and women are forced to work long hours.  Sometimes men work 1-2 jobs to help support their families.  If wives work, then far less time is available for the couple to spend with each other.  Therefore, planned quality time is essential.  It may mean canceling some important program, or turning off the television, or just going for an evening walk.  It may mean getting away from family and friends for a a “we” moment.  Couples with children should also plan for time alone with each other.  When this is neglected, husbands and wives tend to draw farther apart from each other.  Being consumed with just survival is never enough to insure a healthy marriage.

3.  Allowing third parties to interfere with your sanctity.  Be it relatives, friends, neighbors, or colleagues, no other parties should be able to exert an influence on a marriage to the extent that it becomes nothing but a boring chore.  Many times relatives mean well in giving advice.  They see some of your mistakes, but they have no business continually dipping into your affairs, making all kinds of suggestions and insisting that you and your mate do things their way.  Well wishers need to tend to their own business, and leave yours alone.  Every couple has their own style and way of doing things, and they should be free to have it their way, regardless of what is going on down the street, or in society.  Third parties who are jealous and illwishers do even more damage to a marriage that is seeking to stay afloat.  When third parties are allowed to poke their noses into a marriage, some lines in the sand must be drawn.    Even children and step-children can help to invalidate marraiges by their making life miserable for their parents.  Children who are jealous and selfish can be the third parties who wind up being the reason for marriage breakdowns.

4 Wrecked finances often lead to wrecked marriages.   Husbands and wives must have plans– plans A, B,C, D and all the way to Z in order to survive.  Whatever it takes, each one should confront the other honestly and strive to plan together how they will live within their means, save for the future, and live for the present.  If a job loss occurs, they should have contingency plans in place  such as part-time jobs, hobbies, creative self-employment options, to which they can resort.  These should be written and discussed from time to time.  No home can survive without adequate means.   As tensions arise over finance, so do arguments and sometimes fights occur.  Thorough planning and discussions, along with understanding and patience, can do a lot to keep finances from wrecking a marriage.

5. Marriage breakdown signals are ignored until it is too late.  When traveling down the marriage route, there are signs and signals all along the way.  When a couple sees their marriage deteriorating into a lack luster arrangement, when they see their duty to each other as mundane and unexciting, when marriage lacks incentives to share and care, these are true signs that the marriage is veering in the wrong direction.  If both husband and wife will take the time and effort to try to correct the little mistakes, make apologies, compromise if necessary, much can be done to preserve and keep their marriage alive and well.

6.  When adversity, sickness, or trouble arises, one spouse is unwilling to make the adjustment.  As in everyone’s life, there is never a completely smooth road.  Trials and tests will come to all marriages. The vow to take each other through thick and thin is bounced down on and often shaken to the maximum.  If one or the other spouses decides to remove himself/herself from difficulties, leaving the other to fend alone, the marriage will be in jeopardy.  Clinging to each other in these most trying times will help to solidify the marriage, and it will be stronger and more resilient than ever.  Exiting only creates sadness, distrust, and resentment.

6.  The spirit of unity has been ripped.  Marriage, being a sacred bond, binds individuals together as no other human institution can.  The privacy, intimacy, sharing and caring that exists in a marriage must have the oneness feature at all times.  When husbands and wives begin to lead separate lives under the same roof, the marriage is well on its way to being extinguished.  Just being under the same roof is not a sign of unity.  Sometimes separate quarters, separate bedrooms and even separate finances subtract large quantities of uniting bonds which should live in a strong marriage.  Weak marriages can exist, but only for a short period of time.

7.  An excessive amount of forgetting can jeopardize any marriage.  Forgetting important dates such as anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, special occasions can hurl a marriage to the ground.  After all, it is the little things that count the most.  The true excitement of a marriage involves remembering.  Both spouses must keep in mind these precious events.  Looking forward to them is as much a part of marriage as marriage is itself.  When a spouse forgets these special dates, questions begin to readily arise which can impair trust and fidelity.

There are additional reasons why marriages fail, however, we have discussed some of the main reasons.  Married couples who wish to evaluate their union in the light of these will find that perhaps there is a need for making a  new committment to strenghten their allegiance and loyalty to each other in the light of these reasons.  All marriages where love abounds can succeed.  Love is the adhesive which helps keeps hearts happy and willing to make marriage a success.   As this velvety thread runs throughout the fabric of any marriage, it will be seen that  a  wonderful, precious fabric has been woven by two individuals whose utmost desire is to love and be loved as long as life shall last.  Clasping their hands in God’s, couples can, and will make their marriage what heaven meant it to be.