Gay Marriage Time

This has become a trigger issue with people that did not seem to have a problem with Gays in general. In California the Courts have said that Gay couples can marry legally with the same rights as heterosexual people marry. This applies when a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, decide to be a couple. There was a lot of resistance to the idea and they could not marry legally in California until a new court opinion said they could. There was no problem for two Gays of different sexes to get married but that was not what the Gays wanted. I know we do not think about it that way but over the years, in Hollywood, there were a number of couples ostensibly living in a straight marriage but that was undertaken to hide that one of the pair was Gay. Many at least were bisexual people according to the alleged rumormongers.

I became curious about this because of the many television ads for the upcoming ballot here in California hoping to reverse the courts decision and require a man and a woman be applying for a license as preconditions to getting one issued. There are going to be many with different viewpoints on the subject and there is no need to ask a Gay what he or she thinks about it. My impression is that the Gay people see it as a civil right that will give them the benefits that traditional marriage provides for couples. That could be community property, certain property rights for or against the spouse, some immunity of testimony the unwed mate could otherwise provide, hospital visits as family members (and liability for the bill), etc. Now that is not why I got married. I wanted exclusive access to my wonderful woman and I wanted for us to have children in our name that we would enjoy and share. The rest was there but not of note. A Gay can still have the exclusive access to a mate without marriage but a woman was not likely to wait forever for a man that was not going to marry her. By nature I think woman are homemakers, it’s a female thing that is very likely just as true for Gay females.

A Gay marriage between people of the same sex will not produce children to THEM. Either one can use a surrogate with the woman’s eggs, or the mans sperm, but that will be the individuals child and not the product of the Gay marriage. I know that is a rather obvious thing for me to say but I want to emphasize that unique side of Gay couples with or without a marriage license. When the couple eventually argues over the child’s behavior #1 may take issue with #2 telling HIS child how to behave. Possibly not, but it does happen with stepchildren in some instances. All in all it is a very difficult question for me get a grip on it. I have not formed a conclusion on this question before I undertook to write this article. In general I just never cared one way or the other. I thought that Gays were a little far out with the parades they conduct and flamboyant in some other ways but those thoughts were not adverse to the Gays. They often have a certain hyper way of doing things which I considered all part of their being Gay.

There are some TV personalities that want to exploit the Gay couples image and that does really turn me off. Rosie O’Donnell is one such and that may be in part due to my not being a fan of hers in the first place.

What are the issues? To the religious right there is a stigma that they seem to feel finds foundation in the Bible. I checked my Bible program and searched for any reference to the word sodomy and found none. The word Sodom as a place of a nasty and degenerate people is discussed a lot with its neighbor Gomorrah. The way it is discussed implies sodomy was rampant, especially the way Lot was forced to protect his “angels” from them. I always thought that it was weird to be willing to offer to throw your daughters to the mob to protect some new strangers. What was there about those strangers that caused Lot to think they were Angels? No wings are mentioned and no hallows. I am getting off the topic.

Somehow the Bible argument seems to lack a solid basis for objecting to Gay Marriage from my standpoint. If in fact sodomy is the issue there is no more need for it in a Gay marriage than in a heterosexual marriage. Both survive with or without it. I get that last observation from some ladies magazines touting relationships. There is no doubt that a careful review and interpretation of the Bible will support the intent to denounce any form of Gay relationship so marriage would be at the front of the list. You may not agree but that may depend more on your mind set than what the Bible has to say. I think the next step is to evaluate the value of the Old Testament content in the Bible for use in society as it is today. This is a pet topic but not germane here.

If the Bible does not appear to be controlling there are other religious concepts that have an extremely strong admonition against Gay relationships of any kind. I don’t practice those tenets so I will ignore them as not relevant. Does society, or the development of a society, require that the foundations of that society prohibit specific kinds of conduct? The answer is yes, absolutely. Crime is an obvious example and to enlarge on that we must decide what is a crime and when otherwise normal conduct can become a crime. I have not read the courts decision on the California issue and that is unfortunate because the courts will cover the various possibilities in reaching their decision. I do know that in California we have a Penal Code and if your conduct or action is not described therein it is not a crime. Being Gay is not a crime. Engaging in Gay sex activity in public is a crime as are heterosexual activities. To keep this review less than endless I can jump to what I think the underlying problem is for me.

I would probably think differently if there was no other solution to the issue of Gay marriage that would still give Gays the rights they seek with out calling it a marriage. This thought may not be perfect and it may not be welcome by the Gays or their opponents but it would work. I am an old widowed guy that was lucky to find a wonderful widowed woman to share my life. We never even considered marriage for many reasons. We are mutual significant others and we do have the hospital visit privileges but without the sharing of the bills. We each have children and Wills we do not wish to upset and this way we keep our finances separate. Why can’t we come up with a contract relationship equivalent to marriage? Let’s include a ceremony so Harry or Tom can wear a beautiful gown or tuxedo with a preacher or a other marriage type official and give them blessings.

If that was done we need only then consider if the newly joined couple should be permitted to adopt a child or not. That is an issue that concerns me. I know that there are a lot of children to be adopted in this world so the goal is a worthy one. I try to think how I would have felt growing up with no mother but instead having two fathers. I cannot imagine how different this would have been. All of the parties would probably involve many Gay friends of theirs, both male and female, with the usual signs of affection that take place between couples. I would observe females kissing and embracing each other and males doing the same. How would I decide where I belonged in this society? Say I was 5 years old at the beginning and I was taken to this loving household with all the attention I could ever want. Harry and Tom are going to knock themselves out for my every need. When do I come to understand that there is no mommy anymore? Would I feel strange when I compare my life style to my young peers? At school would I feel comfortable explaining to kids that I have two fathers that are married and no mother?

Possibly I do not need a mommy any more than a lot of kids need a father. Some Gays have already been given permission to adopt children and have done so. There is the possibility we will be breeding many more Gays. My lady friend thinks not believing Gays are born way.

A child’s environment has a great deal to do with the shaping of the child. Many of the child’s eventual decisions will be based on his experience at home. Things like his favorite sports, his religion, his choice of friends and his eventual life style, are just a few of them. I do not favor Gay marriage to include adopting children under the age of 12 years because at that point the child should have some understanding of what is going on in the world making the Gay lifestyle some thing he can compare with a heterosexual life style all by himself. I will wish all existing Gay people well but I do not favor creating more of them.

Things like, “Gay Rights” have always disturbed me. As if calling a homosexual “Gay” made it something special and more desirable. In Gay eyes possibly yes, in my reality, No. It is certainly a more acceptable name for the choice than was commonly used years ago.

My conclusion is to let the Gays have their duplicate of a heterosexual marriage if we cannot offer them any thing else equivalent. If they wish to produce children as I mentioned earlier that should not be hindered any more than it is for a heterosexual marriage. When it comes to adopting children, I admit, that I have not done any research into the psychology of the questions.

I am not sure the opinions would change my mind either way because psychology is not, to me, always an accurate and reliable means to evaluate the effects that other people, especially close friends and family, will have on us individually.

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 27th, 2008 at 3:45 am.